When I look back at 2020, it feels like an entirely different lifetime. It was the year the world came to a standstill, but for me, it marked the beginning of a transformative journey. As the elder son of my family, I had always carried the weight of responsibilities, the expectations to be a role model, and the unspoken rule of not making mistakes. But during the lockdown, when the world was locked away behind doors, I found myself locked away within.
As a child, I was different, though I didn’t understand how or why. I was the “good student,” the one who avoided fights and never uttered a bad word. These traits set me apart, but not in a way that helped me connect with others. Friendships seemed elusive, and I often found myself yearning for a companion who would truly understand me. Adolescence brought its own chaos—physical, mental, and emotional changes that I struggled to make sense of.
I vividly remember the confusion. The changes in my body, the taboo topics that no one would address openly, and the isolation I felt. At one point, I even endured abuse, unable to voice my pain or fear. These experiences stayed with me, shaping my worldview in ways I didn’t fully comprehend until much later.
Crossing Paths with Rubaroo
Then came COVID-19, a boulder crashing onto an already chaotic existence. It was overwhelming. Seeking an escape, I turned to the internet, a tool I had previously used sparingly. I transitioned from a keypad phone to a smartphone, discovering a new world of information and connection. It was during this search for support systems in Hyderabad that I stumbled upon Rubaroo.
The encounter wasn’t immediate or straightforward. I found a snippet of information on WhatsApp—someone’s status mentioning Rubaroo and its work. Intrigued, I did my own digging, visiting their website and leaving a message. To my surprise, they responded, and that marked the beginning of my journey with them.
Initially, I was offered two programs to choose from: Writing Through Crisis and ELP/MLMF. Writing Through Crisis resonated deeply with me, as I was eager to hone my writing and speaking skills. Unfortunately, I wasn’t selected for it, but life had other plans. I opted for the second program, stepping into the unknown, hoping for clarity and connection.
Despite the limitations of an online format—forced by the pandemic—the program was profoundly impactful. I was amazed at how Rubaroo managed to create such a vibrant, engaging space virtually. Unlike the monotony of online classes or meetings, their sessions felt alive. From the very first day, I knew I had found something special.
What Unfolded:
Through Rubaroo, I began to unlearn and relearn so much about myself and the world. Concepts like gender, sexuality, and personal boundaries—things that had once seemed distant or irrelevant—came alive in new ways. For the first time, I confronted my misconceptions, understanding that gender was far more complex than the binary ideas I had grown up with. Tools like the Genderbread Person provided clarity, helping me grasp the nuances of identity and orientation.
Rubaroo wasn’t just a learning experience; it was a healing journey. I became an active participant, eager to absorb and contribute. I shared my thoughts, asked questions, and engaged in dialogues that pushed me out of my comfort zone. This sense of belonging was something I had craved for years.
The journey didn’t end with the program. It evolved. I transitioned from participant to facilitator, guiding young adolescents through their own explorations of gender, career opportunities, and personal boundaries. It was deeply fulfilling to create a safe space for others—something I had longed for as a child.
One of the standout experiences was facilitating Samjho Toh Samvidhan Live Dialogues, a program in collaboration with ComMutiny—The Youth Collective. It was my first time leading a project of such magnitude, and it was both daunting and exhilarating. From understanding finances to creating artistic representations of India, every challenge was a learning opportunity.
Looking Back and Way Forward:
Looking back, my journey with Rubaroo has been one of growth, resilience, and self-discovery. From an isolated adolescent struggling with unanswered questions to a youth coordinator and role model, I’ve come a long way. Rubaroo gave me the tools to navigate my inner conflicts and the confidence to challenge societal norms.
Today, I carry forward the lessons Rubaroo taught me: the importance of dialogue, the strength in diversity, and the power of safe spaces. The journey continues, and I’m grateful for the opportunities to evolve—not just for myself but also for the countless young people I hope to support along the way.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey of small steps, difficult conversations, and courageous introspection. And for me, it all started with Rubaroo.
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